I know now, why it is I aspire to parent with love and gentleness, versus firmness and demands.
Our daughter is a teenager and we have baby number 5 on the way in a few weeks. So I get to see such vastness. It amazes me what I see.
Raechel and her boyfriend split up. What saddens me is he is still trying to get her back. That is not in itself a bad thing, but they way he shows love is. He is trying to get her back by buying her back. First the dozen gorgeous roses, she gave them to a neighbor, now I see an IPod Nano on the kitchen table. Brand-new in the box. I know these are not cheap. So, what I am really seeing? His parents only tried to buy his love. They did not give him the physical love that all kids need. They gave him things. They did not treat him with respect, because if they did, he would have treated our daughter with respect. Instead he was emotionally abusive to her. Why? Because it was all HE KNEW. That was how he was raised. You are what you live.
I truly hope I am doing ok with my boys. I don't want to see them go through that too. Part of me wants to just go hug the poor kid. Tell him it will be ok. But will it? I cannot make false promises. She won't have him back, and who can blame her? He threatened her, called her names, and was mean to her. But he also TRIED to show her love, by buying her anything she liked. Oh that is pretty? Here let me buy it for you....... Doesn't work that way. It is very sad.
So, love those babies, and when they are kids, love them up then too.
Will they remember why you scolded them? I remember being smacked because I threw up trying to clean the kitty litter box. I remember the pain, I remember feeling fear. That is what I remember. Did I finish cleaning the box? Who knows. Did it help that I was hit because I threw up. Nope.
Now, I remember spilling milk all over my Grandmas table and floor. Yes, she may have been frustrated, but did she hurt me or cause me pain? No. I don't even remember being scolded. I just helped her clean it up. She may not even remember this, but I do.
That is what I need to be - a loving, non-judgemental parent.
I would rather reek of love than reek of bad judgement.
What an eye opener today has been.
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You left a comment on my blog and I followed your link here :) This post just rings so so true for me as we struggle with grandparents who think they can buy our children's love. We try hard to fight the materialism that seems to reach into our lives no matter how hard we try. Thank you! for giving a great example of why it is so important to show real love and not shower kids with 'things'.
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